I used to think that focusing on others was the key to being a better friend, partner, and person overall. And over time, I realized that something was missing—me. I was putting everyone and everything first, leaving myself somewhere at the bottom of the list. It felt like I was in constant motion, catering to other people’s needs while my own slowly faded into the background. Does that sound familiar?
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The truth is that the relationship we have with ourselves is the foundation for everything else. When we are grounded in who we are, when we take the time to nurture that connection, and when we love ourselves so much, everything else can fall into place. It’s a practice rooted in empowerment, self-love, and authenticity.
Why Self-Relationship Matters
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for how you experience life. Think about it: How can we truly show up for others when we aren’t showing up for ourselves? It’s like trying to pour from an empty cup.
Self-awareness, self-love, and self-compassion can be the bedrock of emotional resilience. When you know yourself—your triggers, your needs, your boundaries—you are better equipped to navigate life’s ups and downs. When you love yourself so much that you are willing to put yourself first, you and everyone else benefits. You might notice that your decision-making becomes clearer when you check in with yourself first. It’s a beautiful thing when you listen to that inner voice, guiding you toward what feels correct for you instead of simply reacting to external demands.
The way we speak to ourselves, that inner dialogue, plays a huge role in shaping our emotional world. If we aren’t kind or patient with ourselves, it can be hard to find peace. Nurturing that relationship helps us develop a level of compassion that naturally flows into how we engage with others. After all, how can we give love if we haven’t fully embraced it within?
Recognizing the Signs of Neglect
Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re neglecting ourselves. The signs can be subtle, masked by daily busyness or the feeling that we’re being “productive.” You might find yourself saying yes when you mean no or taking on commitments that drain your energy. There’s that voice in the back of your mind reminding you to rest, but you push through because it feels like you “should” be doing more. Recognize that the voice is coming from your head, not your heart and body. Our bodies never should us.
People-pleasing can be a strong indicator that we’re putting others ahead of ourselves. It’s a behavior rooted in wanting to be liked or accepted, and it often leaves us depleted. Over time, this neglect can take an emotional toll, manifesting as burnout, frustration, resentment and even dis-ease in the body. When we don’t make time for ourselves, it’s easy to feel disconnected, not just from others but from our own needs and desires.
Tools for Deepening the Relationship with Yourself
Building a stronger relationship with yourself takes time and intention, and it doesn’t have to be complicated. One of the simplest ways to begin is through self-reflection. I find journaling to be a powerful practice. Just a few minutes of writing down thoughts or feelings can help bring clarity and insight.
Meditation or simply taking mindful pauses throughout the day can also help you reconnect. I often find that a few deep breaths are all it takes to return to myself, especially when life feels overwhelming. It’s in these small moments that we can begin to listen to our body, noticing where tension or emotions might be sitting.
Exploring Human Design has been another transformative tool in my self-discovery journey. Understanding my type (I’m a Generator) helped me embrace my natural rhythms and tendencies. For me, it was a way to honor how I move through the world, and I’ve found that aligning with this has allowed me to live with more flow and ease. For some of you, understanding your design—whether as a Generator or another type—might offer new layers of insight into how you can honor your unique self.
How Prioritizing Yourself Can Impact Your Life
When we prioritize ourselves, the impact can ripple out into every part of our lives. I’ve found that as I take better care of my own needs, I can show up more fully for others. It’s like I’m giving from a place of abundance rather than depletion. It can help in cultivating deeper, more meaningful connections because you’re not just going through the motions—you’re grounded in who you are.
Aligning with yourself can also help bring a sense of purpose. I’ve noticed that the more I listen to myself, the more I’m able to tap into what truly lights me up. When we take the time to prioritize our own well-being, we can find that life begins to feel more intentional, more fulfilling, and more aligned with who we are at our core.
Challenges to Putting Yourself First
Of course, prioritizing yourself isn’t always easy. There’s often an underlying fear of seeming selfish or feeling guilty for not doing enough for others, which is a made-up social construct. This is something I’ve struggled with personally. Society tends to encourage selflessness, and it can make it hard to put yourself first without feeling uncomfortable.
Here’s the thing: Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you care less about others. In fact, it often means you’re able to care for them even more deeply. It’s all about reframing that belief. Instead of seeing self-care as indulgent, try viewing it as essential for your well-being. You can’t show up for others if you’re constantly drained.
Final Thoughts
Building a relationship with yourself is one of the most important things you can do. It might not always be easy, and it’s definitely not a quick fix. As you begin to nurture that connection, you’ll likely notice shifts in how you move through the world—feeling more grounded, more compassionate, and more aligned with who you truly are.
Start small. Listen to yourself. Trust that this journey is unique to you, and know that it’s a path worth walking.
As always, from my soul to yours,
Erin